Drowning
by snarkysweetness
Summary: As Killian Jones prepares to take up the cloth, a young seminary student, Aurora Rose, leads him to question his faith.


**Title: **Drowning  
**Chapter One:** Killian  
**Author:** snarkysweetness  
**Rating: **PG-13  
**Pairing:** Aurora/Killian  
**Summary:** As Killian Jones prepares to take up the cloth, a young seminary student, Aurora Rose, leads him to question his faith.  
**Warnings: **Sinning.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.  
**Author's Notes:** This is another super late thing for Sleeping Hook Week because I fail. The prompt was 'The Devil You Know'. This is chapter one of two. Enjoy, lovelies.

Killian Jones, former Navy brat and soon to be man of the cloth, kneeled before a pew, with a string of rosary beads between his fingers. He's never been a very pious man, his father had been a sailor in every sense of the word and done his best to make sure his son was a 'real man', but Killian's mother had been the closest thing to a living saint that he'd ever met and after her death, he'd turned to the church, finding comfort within its walls that he'd only ever felt in her arms.

He loathed the idea of confession. It seemed silly that any one man could assume the role of God and granting forgiveness to others. Killian partook in the tradition because it was a requirement, but he saved the real sins for the small moments, like this one, where he could speak to God directly, if he was even listening.

As of late Killian had begun to question his faith. Yes, his mother had always imparted the importance of religion and spirituality, but he'd always had doubts. The church had saved him from spiraling into depression after his mother's long sickness had finally taken her from him, but he wasn't sure if the obligation he felt was really enough to take him through taking his vows.

Hence why he was currently seeking guidance, that and…

"_You know, if you study too hard, you brain starts to leak out of your ears," Aurora teased, leaning in the doorway to his dorm. _

_Killian turned and gave her a big smile. _

"_They'll take my scholarship if my grades slip," he reminded her._

"_Same here, but you don't see me locking myself up every Friday night. I know you're singing up for a life of the priesthood, but you could take a break to spend time with your friends, you know? Come on, its Miner's Day, let's have a little fun. And the nuns will be there, so it's not like you'll feel out of place."_

_She gave him a small smile and he found it impossible to say 'no' to her._

For someone who had been an orphan raised by nuns, she certainly knew how to work a smile to get her way. They'd always known one another, but he'd never really taken notice of her. She was younger and by the time she'd blossomed into a woman, he was already devoted to the calling of the priesthood.

Their friendship had begun innocently enough; shy glances, small smiles, and eventually saying 'hello'. They soon began finding reasons to run-in to another and somehow a flirtation had stirred up. He'd thought nothing of it at first, until the letters had started and since then he'd doomed himself for damnation.

_Killian stared down at her loopy scrawl and felt guilt tear at his gut. This was a sin, he was meant to take a vow of celibacy, but here he was, slowly falling in love with a girl who was too young and innocent for him. _

_The knowledge of his transgressions didn't stop him from slipping out his mother's favorite stationary and writing her back._

"Hello, father, may I?"

He glanced up to find Aurora slipping into the pew next to him and he slowly rose from his knees and sat next to her.

"Miss Rose," he whispered.

A smile tugged at her lips as she slipped her hand into his.

"The collar suits you," she said. She attempted a smile but he could see the pain behind her eyes. Guilt tore at him once again; he was hurting her and his soul and he needed to stop it, before he hurt her more deeply.

He let go of her hand gently and didn't take the note she'd attempted to slip him.

"We can't anymore; I take my vows next week, Aurora. I'm-please forgive me." He glanced up at the savior nailed to the cross and wondered who it was he was actually seeking forgiveness from. Without another word, he stood and left her alone, rushing to the front doors. He couldn't bear to see her face; he didn't trust himself not to turn his back on the church for her.

He stepped out into the rain and prayed that the water would wash away the stain of his misdeeds.

"_You're beautiful," he whispered, taking her by the waist before spinning her around on the dance floor. She smiled up at him, looking completely breathtaking in her Elizabethan Princess costume. Being such a small town, every holiday was a cause for celebration, even the 'pagan' ones as the Monsignor liked to point out. He'd allowed Mary Margaret to pick out his costume and he now realized they were matching. He wondered how much she suspected and why she was trying to push them together. _

"_Well, you look rather dashing yourself," she replied with a shy smile. He glanced down, reminding himself that the feelings he had for her were wrong. She not only deserved better than a poor seminary student, but he'd committed himself to God, which hadn't been a decision he'd made lightly. _

_Once the song ended, Killian released her awkwardly. _

"_I should go, I've promised to help the Monsignor in the morning. Goodnight, Aurora." He kissed the back of her hand and gave her a sad smile before leaving the small ballroom of the Mayor's mansion._

"_Killian, wait," she called after him. He made it as far as the empty hallway before she took hold of his arm. He turned back to find her gazing up at him with a look of longing. Before he could stop himself, Killian took her face in his hands and kissed her desperately. He'd forgotten what it felt like to kiss a woman and the way she eagerly returned it left his head spinning. She pulled him closer and he deepened the kiss, going as far as exploring her mouth with his tongue before his conscious got the better of him._

"_No, we can't," he protested, breaking away from her quickly. _

"_No, we can! You're not a priest yet and I'm only getting my degree in theology-"_

"_You deserve better. And I'm taking my vows, Aurora. This can't happen again."_

_The stunned look of agony that crossed her features broke her heart but it didn't stop him from walking out on her._

"Killian Jones! You cannot keep walking away from me!" Aurora yelled.

Killian stopped in the middle of the street and turned to find her standing in the rain, already soaked to the bone.

"Aurora! What are you doing out here? You'll catch your death!" He had nothing to cover her up with, completely drenched himself. He stepped onto the sidewalk and pulled her into an alcove so she wouldn't get any wetter.

"This is ridiculous! I know you have feelings for me. Do you really think God would let you have those feelings if you weren't meant to act on them?"

"Aurora-"

"You kissed me, remember?"

"And that was a mistake! I slipped and it wasn't fair to you and I'm sorry!" The rain was coming down hard now and they were basically yelling just to hear one another.

"You're an idiot, Killian Jones!" She cried, shaking her head. "You're just afraid of your own feelings. That's the only reason you decided to enter the priesthood, because you're afraid to live. You could do anything or be anything you wanted but you don't even want to try."

Killian looked up and watched the rain with a sigh before looking back down at her.

"If I'm such an unmotivated idiot then why do you even want to bother with me?"

She frowned and shook her head.

"Idiot," she muttered before leaning up to kiss him. She broke away after a moment and watched him sadly. "I love you and I think you love me too, you're just not man enough to admit it." She watched him, probably hoping he'd do or say something worthy of her declaration but he just stepped away, dumbstruck.

"I'm taking my vows next week, I'm sorry."

Her lower lip quivered but she didn't cry. She shot him a seething glare before turning on her heel and storming off into the night as thunder clapped in the sky. He watched her despairingly before slowly making his way back to the dorm. He didn't bother undressing and putting on dry clothes when he entered his small room, he simply slammed the door shut and slid onto the ground where he buried his face in hands and cried.

He loved her more than he was devoted to the church and he feared it was too late to go back and fix his mistake.

"What do I do?" He whispered, staring up at a cross nailed to the wall, and wondering, not for the first time, if there was really anyone on the other side listening.


End file.
